For this child I prayed...

"For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."

1 Samuel 1:27

My sweet little boy is 18 months.  Those 18 months have been hard.  The previous 9 of my pregnancy with him, were hard.  It seems, from the moment this little one took life inside me, that he has fought for each moment.  I had an incredibly difficult pregnancy, one that was a pure miracle, just a 6 weeks before I became pregnant with him, I had my final surgery for a rare form of ovarian cancer, that spread uterine.  I had many difficulties before that challenge, but that pretty much solidified the not having any more children.  My little man, fought hard each day in my womb, and has fought each of the days since his birth.  I prayed every second of everyday for him before I was pregnant with him, and every second of my pregnancy, spending every hour in bed, pleading with God to let me keep him.  Each day since, I have said a prayer in some form or another for him.  Many hours on my knees, begging, pleading, tears streaming down my face to Him.  Many internal prayers for peace and comfort for both of us, not knowing what else to do.  And, so, so many prayers before, and during doctors office visits, and hospital visits.  I have never stopped praying for my boy. 

In the past few months, there have been some new struggles, and worries come into the picture, and again, I pray.  There isn't much else I can do, but pray and hope for the best. 

The news at the doctors is often discouraging, or full of unanswered questions.  The scare this month, was a couple of the doctors thinking that he had a mutation of Cystic Fibrosis, that effects the pancreas.  We have been on edge, and I have been terrified.  CF is basically a death sentence, and the promise of a difficult, and painfully sick life.   Males, are almost certainly infertile, if they live that long.  CF of the pancreas, means you also have CF effecting your lungs, and thick mucus buildup in all of your organs.  It is painful, and you can't be around people so you don't get more sick.  We have kept him home as much as possible, even skipping church, so that we could keep him healthy.  He gets sick so easily as it is, so we wanted to give him a fighting chance.  He has had between a low grade fever, to a high fever, at least 3 days a week on and off for about a month and a half, and already been hospitalized this past month.

The doctor called me personally this week... that never happens unless it is terrible news.  Gratefully, this time, it was good news.  His tests came back, and he does not have any mutation of CF! She thinks that he still has a pancreas disease, but not one that will kill him, just make him be on some cocktail of meds forever.  I think we can handle that. 

We kept things quiet about the CF, and only told a few family members, until we knew more.  But I know there were many that prayed for my child, along with Adam and I.  I knew that even if he had it, that we would get through, and enjoy our time together that we had.  I knew that there was a reason for it, if he did have it.  But, I could sing to the Heavens, in joy, and praise to that God that gave me life, for granting us peace, comfort, and finally answers to a very worrisome thing.  I am glad that He blessed us with people to hold us up in faith, when we were struggling, and wonderful skilled doctors and nurses that work hard to treat my son.  I will be forever grateful that He blessed my boy with strength, to keep fighting, even when it was so hard.

Though this has been a hard 18 months in many ways, I am so grateful, that through the challenges we have faced, that it has forced me to simplify my life, forced me to see how blessed we are, how much God is watching over us, and forced me to "circle my wagons" around what's most important, and who is most important.  I am glad it has taught me to enjoy the small victories, and the wonderful peaceful moments we have amongst the chaos. 

We are so, very, very blessed.