Humbling

Tonight, I called my sister in tears.  I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed out beyond words.  There is a lot happening in my world, and some days, when I haven't had any rest, it becomes too much.  It was late.  Very late, but since we both seem to carry late hours with our sweet kids, I took a gamble and called her, before I had a complete emotional break on the freeway. 

Ever have those days where it all hits you at once?  She listened as I cried, and poured out my soul and told her how bad my life was, and how I didn't know how to fix it.  I cried as I told her about my boy, and my worries for him, and how I did everything I could to help him get better, but I just didn't know what else to do.  My heart was lifted, as we talked, and it was exactly what I needed. 

I was at the store picking up medicine, and milk, and as I left, feeling much better than when I walked in, I saw an old cripple man, homeless, in a old wheelchair, searching through the trash can, and eating food he found in there.  My heart broke, as I watched him shiver in the cold, and try and maneuver his wheel chair around.  He looked at my kids, and his face lit up.  He told me how beautiful and perfect they were, and how much light and hope they had in their eyes.  I agreed, and dug into my wallet, and slipped him some money.  I couldn't shake the feeling of sadness and pity I had for this poor man.  I always feel so sad and compassionate for the homeless people I see.  It breaks me, and I feel helpless as what to do.  Tonight, as I prayed in my heart for him, with everything inside of me, begging to know what to do to help him in some way, I felt the strongest feeling to take him some food.  I worried he would be gone by the time I found somewhere open, but luckily when I returned, he was still there, digging in the trash.  I handed him his dinner, told him I hoped it would be a nice treat, and it would help him to know how much God loved him.  He told me I looked stunning, and that he hoped God would bless me too.  As I walked away with tears in my eyes, trying not to sob, I knew that He already had. 

When I got back to the car, I tried to explain to Reagan why he was eating trash, and why he was living outside.  Not an easy task with an inquisitive 4 year old.  I told her that he was someone's Grandpa, and he was special as all of God's children are.  I told her it was very sad, because he didn't have a home, or a bed, or even food to eat.  That he didn't have anyone to watch out for him like she did.  I told her that he was probably very cold, and sad, and that Heavenly Father needed us to help watch out for people that didn't have anyone because we are very blessed.  I told her that Heavenly Father takes care of everyone, and that she shouldn't be scared, but when she got older, I wanted her to help other people when she saw that they needed it. 

I often have the words come to my mind: “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs” President Spencer W. Kimball

Tonight, I felt this promise 3 fold.  First, through the comfort I found in my sister's words.  Second, through serving the homeless man.  And third, and most importantly tonight, I was blessed by the homeless man, by understanding several truths; that no matter how terrible, hard, and dreary your life may seem, there is always someone else that has it worse than you; that when I pray for help and peace, the Lord will bless me to see my life through someone else's eyes, see my blessings, and that he will bless me to be able to serve someone else.  

As I spoke to Reagan tonight, about the homeless man, I cried.  I was sad for him, but mostly my heart was full, I had been humbled, but I was caught on fire with the Spirit, blessing me to know what to do, and how to do it.  Even though it was a small gesture, I think that my actions, helped that man to know that he was loved, and God was watching out for him.  When I spoke to her, I told her how loved she was, and how lucky we were that we had a home, and a bed, and food.  We may be struggling in many other ways, but we are so blessed to have the basic needs, that many do not have.  We are so lucky.  So very, very lucky.  We are not hungry, in fact, despite a hard financial situation, we have enough food to be ok for at least a month.  We have beds, warm bedding, more than one pair of clothes.  We have phones, and many people who love us.  We are not alone, in every sense.  We are very loved, and very blessed.